Against
Arranged Marriage
Why arranged marriage is often
practiced in our society? Is it easy to adjust for lifetime with unknown
person? Does arrange marriage take two people’s choice away? Is parent’s
happiness more important than those who are going to get married for lifetime?
These are common question that people always face when it is time for arranged
marriage. Marriage is one of the social institution that are the part of life.
There is a social order, where individuals are allowed to choose on their own
and have their own choice. However, in such communities, we have arranged
marriage, where individual are ask to marry someone, and the marriage partner
is selected to then by their parents or their relatives. I am against the
arranged marriage because it takes away the choice , no diversity, social
issue, family interference, and love is not a priority. And also they have to
spend their whole life with someone who they don’t know.
Arranged marriage is common in
eastern cultures like Japan, India, Nepal and China. Such marriage are directed
and determined by financial and social situations. According to ‘ Arranged
Marriages, Matchmakers and Dowries in India’, “Arranged marriages have been
part of the Indian Culture since the forth century. Many consider the practice
a central fabric of Indian society, reinforcing the social, economic,
geographic, and the historical significance of India”. According to Macmillan
Dictionary, “A marriage that is arranged by the parents of the man and women
getting married, instead of man and woman choosing to marry each other”.
According to ‘Arranged Marriages, “The actual definition of an arranged
marriage is a marriage that is established before a lengthy relationship. It is
opposite to a love marriage, where marriage would be consider the final step to
solidating the relationship”.
Cause and effect When we have
planned marriage, there is the aspect of taking away the choice of an
individual in regards to what they would wish to have in their lives, in consideration
of the right marriage partner. This is because individuals are left with no
choices, but to go by what is giving by their parents, guardians, and the
relatives. There is no freedom of choice. However, very few consider their
aspect. According to ‘ Burden and Benefits of Arranged Marriage’, “The thought
of having your spouse picked out by your parents can be repulsive to many young
adults. It is the process that is born for free will, choice and many believe,
should be the sole privilege and right of the individual seeking a partner.”
Parents are important and they have right to decide for their children, but
when it comes to marriage which is important decision for of life for couple,
parents have to give them choice to choose , they cannot force them to to take
their life decision.
In arranged marriage there is no
freedom of choosing a partner to have in
the marriage institution. There is the lot of pressure from the families to say
yes, which is the proof that there is no freedom of choice. The groom and the
bride may not even communicate, but they just find themselves in that marriage,
against the wish of their hearts. It can effect life of both families when
arranged marriage, does not work. Therefore arranged marriages end with divorce
and social issue. It should be discouraged, as a choice and free will remain to
be important in the selection of a partner to spend a life with. Couple have
the right to decide for their marriage. A marriage should be based on love and
affection between couple. Everybody has right to choose their life partner but
family does not leave any choice for arranged marriage. There is no freedom of
choice their life partner but family does not leave any choice for arranged
marriage. There is no freedom of choice at all in arranged marriage.
Comparison and contrast, Unity is diversity. When we
practiced arranged marriage, there will be always between same caste, same
religion and same culture which mean there is no diversity. It is against
family member willing to practice to different culture people, and within
different countries. According to ‘Interracial Marriage is an indicator of
Racial Assimilation in America’, “Intermarriage between blacks, whites,
Hawaiians, Asians, and Hispanic has become common place in parts of America.
This trend has been influenced by several factors, including increasing
immigration, a narrowing of socioeconomic gap between ethnic groups, and
growing social acceptance of interracial relationships.” We are not allowed to
have cross culture marriage in our society. This inhibits diversity. Especially
in South East, in countries like India and Nepal, Brahmin and Chettri are not
allowed to marry the women of lower caste and class. This create a population
demography that is very limited in aspect of diversity. Whereas few intercaste marriage have resulted creating
obstruct that have essentially
contributed to diversity and demographics. Diversity is very important because
it helps in productivity and diminishes discrimination between arranged
marriage and love marriage. Marriage according to the consent of the couples
results in offspring with the background of different life experiences, ideas,
intelligence levels, and attitude towards the problem. Thus, marriage according
to a mutual understanding of couple or cross-cultural marriage results in more
diverse population demographic.
Arranged marriage is also a social
issue. When you practice such marriage, there is a system of dowry which means
women family are supposed to give cash,
gold, goods, and furniture, moveable property and expensive gifts for each
member of groom’s family. According to India, “There is a rapidly escalating
social and evil in Indian families, namely the misuse of the Dowry and Criminal
laws, which are originally meant to “act as a shield” for the protection of
harassed women.” There is a case about the death and physical injury cases
which based on a dowry system which is practice in a society. In the name of respecting
their culture, women are tolerating abuse and harassment. Many innocent people
undergo hardship and committed suicide because of the poor economic condition
and due to fear of loose of reputation. Moreover women are the one who is
suffering more in comparison to a men from arranged marriage. They are force to
marry the person choose by their parents
which leads to massive emotion, physical and financial trauma. According
to CBC news, “Tradition arranged marriage usually require a dowry, a payment
for marrying into the family, usually a payment that the bride’s side would
make to the groom’s side.” It means there is no other choice for bride and
groom but it mostly acts like a business between two families.
Humor and emotion, The arranged
marriage encourage family interference. This is because the family chooses to
marriage partner. Therefore, if issues work against marriages, and Individual
is the one who suffers. This is because the family sets in, to solve the issues
present, as they are the ones who instituted the marriage. Due to family
interference, this act as a trap. According to Future Bride, ”Hana knew that in japan a man never did a women’s
work in the kitchen. Hana wanted to say something warm and loving to him now.” Hana and Taro did arrange
marriage forced by family. She could not put any love and emotion to him
because they did marriage without knowing and understanding each other. In
their marriage, family interaction and interference was more but there was no
understanding each other. In their marriage, family interaction and
interference was more but there was no understanding between bride and groom. They
do not give enough space for bride and groom to talk and know each other which
may affect their chances of well being after marriage. Couples do what their
family wants and they are sacrificing their own thoughts and feeling for the
families because family interference is significantly affecting the marriage. Family
force the bride and groom for marriages sometime the prestige of both families
is compromised and these triggers the situation where bride and groom have to
tie the knot even when they are not ready for it.
The driving force for any marriages
is love. This occurs in the case where two individuals have been in love, and
they get to deep into it, that they can no longer be away from each other. It
is then that they decide to tide as one
thing in the institution of marriage. However .This acts as a motivation to
them, as they engage in dating, get to know each other, build on each other,
before they can actually decide to call it over, kiss dating away and finally
join in marriage which is not possible in arranged marriage. According to ‘Arranged
marriage: Trapped Between Two Cultures’, It’s an idea so entrenched in our
culture in America that we learn in small children. First comes love, and comes
marriage.’ Whereas arrange marriage more focused with family and reputation
with caste, religion, culture which means intimacy of
couples doesn’t matter and love is not for the first priority . The heart
should be allowed to make its own choice, regarding the marriage partner, as
this is the only way that the future can stand to be better. If one gets to
choose the person to whom they love and want, they stand to be responsible for
what may fall them in the arranged marriage. However, if they have no wish to
be with a person, but the person is given to them, this is to mean that any
blames / mishappenings in marriage falls in to the hand of those who determine
the marriage ties, be in the parents or even the relatives.
Arranged marriage can result in
consequences that may be enduring. For example, a father want to have a good
relationship with a manager, he cannot forced his son to married with manager’s
daughter. Everybody has secrets and not everybody wants to reveal it. For
example, A boy might be chain smoker and the girl might not know about this. He
is uncomfortable to unfold this truth. This thing in the term can have life
long consequences if they get married decide to have a child. Arranged marriage
is also disadvantageous in a way that they do not allowed adequate time for
couples to know each other. According to ‘How Keeping Secrets Can Destroy The
Romantic Relationship’,’ One in five people are keeping a major secret , such
as infidelity or money troubles, from their spouse.” Infidelity can jeopardize
any relationship. It is very unethical to hide secrets with one’s counterpart
related to issue of loyalty and trust.
My opponents say that arranged
marriage is the best form of marriage since they have strong bonds from both
sides. However, I would respond by saying that connection seems less important
in daily life. In traditional societies, once the daughter get married, then
all the connection is lost. Similarly, critics also say the arrange marriage is
important because it’s a preservation of social norm and tradition. However , I
could respond saying traditional influences can have a significant effect on
the long-term relationship of any couple. My opponents say that arrange
marriage is useful because the couple can avoid the hassle of getting the right
person for themselves and make their family responsible for it. However, I
would respond by saying the crucial decision of marriage should not be left up to
parents and should be deliberately through by there own.
Arranged marriage should only
take place if the couple are compatible to each other,
Understanding each
other’s emotions and feel like being together for eternity. The solution to the
problem of arranged marriage is creating awareness about long time impacts that
it can have no individual life. Especially in the most remote area of South
Asia, education should be imparted to promote family happiness and marriage
under the mutual understanding of couple. Education help us dispel ignorance
and get rid of superstitious and Orthodox practices. There should be more
articles published on the local and international level to an audience about arranged
marriage and its impact on the family. Public speaking can also be another
solution for the problem. Arranged marriage should be discouraged because often
time there are hidden intentions from the family side and this make marriage
meaningful. I would suggest or approve of arranged marriage only under couple’s
mutual consent. This can increase the chance of them being happy and can
minimize the risk of divorce. Avoiding arrange marriages can have significant advantage
of the couple. They get to know each other well, understand once feeling and
emotion have fewer secrets to unfold and have more chance of living happy
together. There should be liberty in the selection of a spouse , for better and
healthy relations that are done on a personal regard approach. Any families
should have their children moving out and interacting them to get a right
partners. By doing this they should be allowed to date, and learn about their
spouses, as this is the only way that they can have better marriage in the
future.
