Against Arranged Marriage

Against Arranged Marriage

            Why arranged marriage is often practiced in our society? Is it easy to adjust for lifetime with unknown person? Does arrange marriage take two people’s choice away? Is parent’s happiness more important than those who are going to get married for lifetime? These are common question that people always face when it is time for arranged marriage. Marriage is one of the social institution that are the part of life. There is a social order, where individuals are allowed to choose on their own and have their own choice. However, in such communities, we have arranged marriage, where individual are ask to marry someone, and the marriage partner is selected to then by their parents or their relatives. I am against the arranged marriage because it takes away the choice , no diversity, social issue, family interference, and love is not a priority. And also they have to spend their whole life with someone who they don’t know.

            Arranged marriage is common in eastern cultures like Japan, India, Nepal and China. Such marriage are directed and determined by financial and social situations. According to ‘ Arranged Marriages, Matchmakers and Dowries in India’, “Arranged marriages have been part of the Indian Culture since the forth century. Many consider the practice a central fabric of Indian society, reinforcing the social, economic, geographic, and the historical significance of India”. According to Macmillan Dictionary, “A marriage that is arranged by the parents of the man and women getting married, instead of man and woman choosing to marry each other”. According to ‘Arranged Marriages, “The actual definition of an arranged marriage is a marriage that is established before a lengthy relationship. It is opposite to a love marriage, where marriage would be consider the final step to solidating the relationship”.

            Cause and effect When we have planned marriage, there is the aspect of taking away the choice of an individual in regards to what they would wish to have in their lives, in consideration of the right marriage partner. This is because individuals are left with no choices, but to go by what is giving by their parents, guardians, and the relatives. There is no freedom of choice. However, very few consider their aspect. According to ‘ Burden and Benefits of Arranged Marriage’, “The thought of having your spouse picked out by your parents can be repulsive to many young adults. It is the process that is born for free will, choice and many believe, should be the sole privilege and right of the individual seeking a partner.” Parents are important and they have right to decide for their children, but when it comes to marriage which is important decision for of life for couple, parents have to give them choice to choose , they cannot force them to to take their life decision.

            In arranged marriage there is no freedom of choosing a partner  to have in the marriage institution. There is the lot of pressure from the families to say yes, which is the proof that there is no freedom of choice. The groom and the bride may not even communicate, but they just find themselves in that marriage, against the wish of their hearts. It can effect life of both families when arranged marriage, does not work. Therefore arranged marriages end with divorce and social issue. It should be discouraged, as a choice and free will remain to be important in the selection of a partner to spend a life with. Couple have the right to decide for their marriage. A marriage should be based on love and affection between couple. Everybody has right to choose their life partner but family does not leave any choice for arranged marriage. There is no freedom of choice their life partner but family does not leave any choice for arranged marriage. There is no freedom of choice at all in arranged marriage.   

            Comparison and  contrast, Unity is diversity. When we practiced arranged marriage, there will be always between same caste, same religion and same culture which mean there is no diversity. It is against family member willing to practice to different culture people, and within different countries. According to ‘Interracial Marriage is an indicator of Racial Assimilation in America’, “Intermarriage between blacks, whites, Hawaiians, Asians, and Hispanic has become common place in parts of America. This trend has been influenced by several factors, including increasing immigration, a narrowing of socioeconomic gap between ethnic groups, and growing social acceptance of interracial relationships.” We are not allowed to have cross culture marriage in our society. This inhibits diversity. Especially in South East, in countries like India and Nepal, Brahmin and Chettri are not allowed to marry the women of lower caste and class. This create a population demography that is very limited in aspect of diversity. Whereas few  intercaste marriage have resulted creating obstruct  that have essentially contributed to diversity and demographics. Diversity is very important because it helps in productivity and diminishes discrimination between arranged marriage and love marriage. Marriage according to the consent of the couples results in offspring with the background of different life experiences, ideas, intelligence levels, and attitude towards the problem. Thus, marriage according to a mutual understanding of couple or cross-cultural marriage results in more diverse population demographic.

            Arranged marriage is also a social issue. When you practice such marriage, there is a system of dowry which means women family are supposed to give  cash, gold, goods, and furniture, moveable property and expensive gifts for each member of groom’s family. According to India, “There is a rapidly escalating social and evil in Indian families, namely the misuse of the Dowry and Criminal laws, which are originally meant to “act as a shield” for the protection of harassed women.” There is a case about the death and physical injury cases which based on a dowry system which is practice in a society. In the name of respecting their culture, women are tolerating abuse and harassment. Many innocent people undergo hardship and committed suicide because of the poor economic condition and due to fear of loose of reputation. Moreover women are the one who is suffering more in comparison to a men from arranged marriage. They are force to marry the person choose by their parents  which leads to massive emotion, physical and financial trauma. According to CBC news, “Tradition arranged marriage usually require a dowry, a payment for marrying into the family, usually a payment that the bride’s side would make to the groom’s side.” It means there is no other choice for bride and groom but it mostly acts like a business between two families.

            Humor and emotion, The arranged marriage encourage family interference. This is because the family chooses to marriage partner. Therefore, if issues work against marriages, and Individual is the one who suffers. This is because the family sets in, to solve the issues present, as they are the ones who instituted the marriage. Due to family interference, this act as a trap. According to Future Bride, ”Hana knew that in japan a man never did a women’s work in the kitchen. Hana wanted to say something warm and loving  to him now.” Hana and Taro did arrange marriage forced by family. She could not put any love and emotion to him because they did marriage without knowing and understanding each other. In their marriage, family interaction and interference was more but there was no understanding each other. In their marriage, family interaction and interference was more but there was no understanding between bride and groom. They do not give enough space for bride and groom to talk and know each other which may affect their chances of well being after marriage. Couples do what their family wants and they are sacrificing their own thoughts and feeling for the families because family interference is significantly affecting the marriage. Family force the bride and groom for marriages sometime the prestige of both families is compromised and these triggers the situation where bride and groom have to tie the knot even when they are not ready for it.

          The driving force for any marriages is love. This occurs in the case where two individuals have been in love, and they get to deep into it, that they can no longer be away from each other. It is then that  they decide to tide as one thing in the institution of marriage. However .This acts as a motivation to them, as they engage in dating, get to know each other, build on each other, before they can actually decide to call it over, kiss dating away and finally join in marriage which is not possible in arranged marriage. According to ‘Arranged marriage: Trapped Between Two Cultures’, It’s an idea so entrenched in our culture in America that we learn in small children. First comes love, and comes marriage.’ Whereas arrange marriage more focused with family and reputation with caste, religion, culture which means intimacy   of couples doesn’t matter and love is not for the first priority . The heart should be allowed to make its own choice, regarding the marriage partner, as this is the only way that the future can stand to be better. If one gets to choose the person to whom they love and want, they stand to be responsible for what may fall them in the arranged marriage. However, if they have no wish to be with a person, but the person is given to them, this is to mean that any blames / mishappenings in marriage falls in to the hand of those who determine the marriage ties, be in the parents or even the relatives.

               Arranged marriage can result in consequences that may be enduring. For example, a father want to have a good relationship with a manager, he cannot forced his son to married with manager’s daughter. Everybody has secrets and not everybody wants to reveal it. For example, A boy might be chain smoker and the girl might not know about this. He is uncomfortable to unfold this truth. This thing in the term can have life long consequences if they get married decide to have a child. Arranged marriage is also disadvantageous in a way that they do not allowed adequate time for couples to know each other. According to ‘How Keeping Secrets Can Destroy The Romantic Relationship’,’ One in five people are keeping a major secret , such as infidelity or money troubles, from their spouse.” Infidelity can jeopardize any relationship. It is very unethical to hide secrets with one’s counterpart related to issue of loyalty and trust.

               My opponents say that arranged marriage is the best form of marriage since they have strong bonds from both sides. However, I would respond by saying that connection seems less important in daily life. In traditional societies, once the daughter get married, then all the connection is lost. Similarly, critics also say the arrange marriage is important because it’s a preservation of social norm and tradition. However , I could respond saying traditional influences can have a significant effect on the long-term relationship of any couple. My opponents say that arrange marriage is useful because the couple can avoid the hassle of getting the right person for themselves and make their family responsible for it. However, I would respond by saying the crucial decision of marriage should not be left up to parents and should be deliberately through by there own.

                      Arranged marriage should only take place if the couple are compatible to each other,        

Understanding each other’s emotions and feel like being together for eternity. The solution to the problem of arranged marriage is creating awareness about long time impacts that it can have no individual life. Especially in the most remote area of South Asia, education should be imparted to promote family happiness and marriage under the mutual understanding of couple. Education help us dispel ignorance and get rid of superstitious and Orthodox practices. There should be more articles published on the local and international level to an audience about arranged marriage and its impact on the family. Public speaking can also be another solution for the problem. Arranged marriage should be discouraged because often time there are hidden intentions from the family side and this make marriage meaningful. I would suggest or approve of arranged marriage only under couple’s mutual consent. This can increase the chance of them being happy and can minimize the risk of divorce. Avoiding arrange marriages can have significant advantage of the couple. They get to know each other well, understand once feeling and emotion have fewer secrets to unfold and have more chance of living happy together. There should be liberty in the selection of a spouse , for better and healthy relations that are done on a personal regard approach. Any families should have their children moving out and interacting them to get a right partners. By doing this they should be allowed to date, and learn about their spouses, as this is the only way that they can have better marriage in the future.